You’ve been through some tough times and have come out stronger. You’ve set out goals and have successfully accomplished them. But you’re craving more. Time is passing by quickly and you can’t figure out what to do next, you can feel it in your soul that there is more out there for you.
You want that sense of inner calm, a feeling of being wholly self-connected. Because from there it all seems to flow.
I get it. Life can feel stressful. And with the constant pressure of the world around us, it can feel like there’s no sight of an opportunity to find some stillness.
The beautiful thing is that we each have an innate wisdom running deep within us and when you can tap into it, you see life with a fresh perspective and feel more open and confident. Things start to fall into place, aligning you with the life you envision for yourself.
*Certified Integrative Health Coach, Duke Integrative Medicine
For as long as I can remember, I have experienced a tangible knowledge of being connected with myself; being in touch with my soul, intuition, and spirit. Not to say that connection has been steady and consistent throughout my life! It has come and gone but when it’s been gone, all I know is that I’m aching for it to come back.
Why? Because its presence feels like an inner well full of contentment and calm that's flowing out of me and seamlessly into my everyday life. I am connected to myself, comforted to know that I'm getting exactly what is meant for me, even if I can't explain why or if it happens in a way that doesn't seem to make sense.
I can say with certainty that I have spent plenty of time feeling
dis-connected from myself and totally lost on how to find my way back again.
Throughout my early 20’s, I worked in the stressful and demanding work environments of restaurants. As is the standard in this industry, it included all-night parties with my friends and co-workers just about every night. We worked hard and we made up for it by playing pretty hard.
Around the age of 27, I was hired as a manager at a high-end restaurant in San Francisco. I decided it was best to cut out the partying to focus on doing my job well and advance myself . But the job was still super stressful and I was working about 60 hours a week.
I had no time for a personal life and became incredibly lonely. I was just sad and feeling pretty lost on the path I had chosen.
By what seemed like good luck, I was randomly offered an office job in my hometown about an hour away. I was so ready for something new and different, I took it. Within 3 weeks I had left the restaurant, moved to another town, and began office work life.
The job offered me new experiences and challenges, and it also brought me a social life where I told myself I wasn't lonely anymore. Unfortunately, this social scene included too much alcohol. Instead of realizing how to set up a boundary for myself I decided, “This party scene must be the kind of life that is meant for me,” so I fell right back into it.
Over time, I was feeling more and more internally conflicted and it was becoming extremely uncomfortable. I wanted a full life with honest relationships and a healthier lifestyle but I didn’t want to be lonely and depressed again.
What actually happened was that I became more and more dis-connected: with myself, with the people that loved me, with everything. Too much alcohol and all the effects that came with it (not enough sleep, feeling physically unwell, episodes of anxiety) made me absolutely miserable and it was all too obvious to the people around me.
For too long, I had chosen to listen to an insecure part of myself and had no sight of who I was and the life I wanted. I felt empty, totally lost, and numb. Even though I knew I was meant to be happy and have more stability in my life, I couldn’t seem to manage breaking out of these unhealthy patterns.
After years of this behavior, I was completely drained: mentally, physically, and spiritually. And I wasn't only hurting myself. I could tell my family members were walking on eggshells when I came around, not knowing what kind of mood I would be in and wishing they could avoid me if I picked up a drink.
I had hit a rock bottom so many times and instilled the belief that change was impossible for me.
Nobody wanted to be around me. I was unpredictable, even when sober. The damage I was causing wasn't intentional but that didn't matter anymore. Seeing the pain I was putting my family through and all the relationships I was causing damage to, I knew I had to figure my s%*t out.
Deep down there was little spark within me that just wouldn’t give up, telling me that I could make the changes I needed to, if I decided to and took the right action. I had to change my attitude, my entire outlook, and make mindful choices.
With the support of my family and close friends, it was time for me to make some changes to what was around me- I quit the office job, stepped back from those relationships that were no longer serving me and moved back to San Francisco.
The first real meaningful experience was when I didn’t drink for 30 days. I was able to gain the perspective that I control the role alcohol plays in my life and not the other way around. The increase of energy and time that just seemed to appear out of nowhere came as a delightful surprise, though I didn't know exactly what to do with myself.
To fill up that time I took on healthy activities like working out, practicing yoga, hiking in nature, and rebuilding my meditation practice. I learned to enjoy being alone, finding solace in learning about who I was at this point, rather than feeling like I needed to numb myself. I had taken on shifting my mindset about who I was and the life that was meant for me. It felt incredible.
While I had changed the things outside of myself, I was still feeling an inner
dis-connect. There were still some old, negative limiting beliefs that were creeping in. Things like, “I can’t trust other people,” and “I don’t deserve to be happy.” With the help of a wonderful therapist and an excellent coach, I mindfully released those deep, subconscious beliefs. I was steadily increasing my self-knowledge and reconnecting with my authentic self. Which was what I’d wanted all along.
It was that strong inner connection of feeling confident in who I am and being able to tune into my intuition, whose sole purpose was to guide me along my unique path.
I am happier, trust that I will be taken care of in life (even when it doesn't seem like it), and have the freedom to choose how I am going to act, react, and just be in my daily life. It was a great feeling to know I had the strength to keep myself from falling into the unhealthy traps life was inevitably going throw out as tests. I felt a newfound sense of freedom.
The integrative approach to rediscovering who I am was essential to my personal growth and getting me back on my life’s path. I am incredibly grateful for it and really wanted to be able to help others’ on their own personal journey through life. So I did some research and enrolled in an Integrative Wellness Coach training program.
I learned useful coaching skills and just knew this was the right career step for me. In my experience of working in hospitality, I loved helping others and creating meaningful experiences for them but now I was really excited to help people on a more enriching, soulful level.
I’m lucky enough to help others through their journey and find more fulfillment out of life.
I absolutely love guiding my clients towards connecting with their true self and I’m very thankful for the opportunities to make a tangible difference in their lives.
I am content: I know how to care for myself so that I can offer my very best in service to my clients. And in my free time, I still get my hospitality on by hosting dinner parties for my family and friends.
a little about me
. . .
ONE DAY I'LL BE A
Hiking in nature or lying on the beach with a good book
HIIT + strength training